Ah, Finally!

Well hello and welcome to my blog!  

People often ask me, "Lynn, what have you been up to lately?  How are you doing?"...and of course, I give the standard, "I am doing great, blah blah blah..." and off you go.  Well, here it is, up close and personal.  And have I got news for you!  My life, for the most part, blows...but, it has provided me with some very comical experiences, some hilarious commentary, and a few wonderful things tucked into the crevices and crannies of my existence.  And I'm gonna share it with you!  

Chapter 1 (the Here and Now)

I have landed in the Canadian Rocky Mountains. Not sure how that happened, or why...but here I am.  It is beautiful here; mountains and lakes and wildlife galore; oh look, a deer grazing on a fruit branch outside the window!  Falcons screeching around their nests! Wild turkeys scuttering across the road and grouse being flushed out of the brush as I walk by.  Organic food by the bushel fulls, taunting me to eat healthy.  Skiing and hiking and all sorts of physical activities in every direction.

Ok, so what sounds so wrong about this?

In order to answer this question, I must outline a few things here and perhaps this question can be better answered.

1. I am 3 miles UP the side of a mountain with no car.  This means that if I want to go downtown (which, by the way, is an oxymoron...but I'll explain that later) I must walk down a fairly steep incline for 3 miles just to get to the end of the road, then another 2 or so miles to get into town.   
2. In order to get home, I must walk 2 miles or so to get to the bottom of my road, then literally CLIMB 3 miles UP a fairly steep incline.
3. I am fat.
4. I am out of shape.
5. I smoke.
6. I could give a rat's ass about organic produce (though, I do have to admit that organic carrots are pretty sweet---much better than non-organic ones)
7. I don't ski, and I don't hike.  Hiking for me is me complaining about having to walk any further than I possibly have to; like walking from my computer desk to the refrigerator or walking outside to have a smoke.
8. Wildlife is nothing but an opportunity to go get a gun license and sit out on my deck waiting for something to shoot at.  Of course, one must define to me the actual meaning of "WILDLIFE"...as I seem to be shooting at mostly everything when I break down the word in literal terms: WILD and LIFE.  Pretty much covers everything that moves, no?
9. There isn't a 'normal' coffee shop for miles.  No Dunkies, No Timmie's, No Starbucks (oh wait, there is one Starbucks...in the centre of the Safeway---who ever heard of a Starbucks in the middle of a friggin' grocery store?  Please.).  I am forced to prepare substandard beanage if I am needing a caffeine fix (which is most of the day; as you may recall, I invented the concept of mainlining coffee as a lifestyle choice)


And the list goes on and on.  Suffice to say that there is alot of wrongness going on here, and I don't like it one bit! But, I suspect that there is a reason for all of this foolishness...its called Karma.  So if any of you out there reading this think that I've been living the life of Reilly, whooping it up and having a grand ole' time...think again.  I am miserable, trying to make the best of a truly horrific situation.


I know that there are a few of you who are laughing your asses off and pumping your fists in the air screaming "THERE YOU GO"...and I don't blame you...I often find myself doing that too---tho, I'm not getting the same satisfaction that you may be getting out of it...just be happy that I have finally gotten whatever it is you guys think I deserve.  It's true.  I have.


I will be adding more posts as the day progresses...so check back often and don't feel sorry for me---most of it tickles the sickest parts of my brain to the point of euphoria...I just can't believe I've come to this point! LMAO