Well here we are, in the afterglow of the holidays, anxiously awaiting the New Year.
Ahhh, the New Year. Champers and noisemakers at midnight. Getting stupid drunk and hoping that you’ll find your way home before the police find you and drop your sorry ass into the drunk tank for the night. *sigh* Oh, the memories that one invokes!
I often find myself very melancholy right before the new year; evaluating what I did right, wrong, and who I pissed off for all time. I think about the things that have moulded me as a human being. I measure the success of my year by how much I have grown in the 365 days I have been given. I ask myself if I utilized the year in a constructive, productive way…or did I just fetter it away without regard to much of anything. I think about the people around me, and what impact (if any) they have had on me, and I on them, during the year. I also think of the people who have pissed me off in the past, and wonder if that piss off has decreased, or escalated…or if that elusive ‘indifference’ has FINALLY graced my psyche and I’ve been able to step over that anger plateau.
Ok, so all of that is well and good…but the burning question is….How did I actually make it though this past year?? I mean seriously. So many changes undergone, so many things learned. And most importantly---so many opportunities to laugh! I find humour in things so that I don’t break down into a blubbery mess. It is a defense mechanism, I would imagine. But, regardless…my life has been one big joke this past year, and I will give you the big overview right here!
2010 started off pretty normal, if complete chaos and indifference can be considered normal. In the big city, living the life. Got fired from my job, and my direction was completely blocked; I had no idea what I was doing, or where that mindset was going to take me. But, as luck would have it, circumstances decided for me.
In March, we decided that we were going to move from Hamilton and go west. At the time, it seemed like a great idea, full of opportunity and change. So off we went, and in April, we dragged Mel’s daughter literally kicking and screaming to travel the 2000kms to an unknown life. And OH BOY…what a change! I never expected to live like a mountain girl, isolated from civilization, with the only means to enter into life as I knew it was by the soles of my shoes pounding up and down a mountainside. Thinking back, I am astounded that I made it though. I’m not sure what motivated me, but whatever it was I am grateful for it. I often find myself wondering what would have become of me had I stayed put VS moving further away from the life I knew. Who can say. I guess it is a moot point now.
We spent the summer in a cabin with none of the trappings of civility. No running water, no electricity, no indoor plumbing. Lugging jugs of water to the cabin from the natural spring on a daily basis, while not my job, was just as harrowing to wait for. Having to wake someone up in the middle of the night to walk to the outhouse. I learned how to hold my bladder quite well during the summer. Cooking over an open fire to eat; we had a propane stove, but the oven didn’t work very well…so outdoor meals were made. Quite yummy ones, I do recall. But a pain in the royal ass, especially if it was raining. And boy did it rain. We live in a temperate rain forest…it rains alot.
Now, if you are a hardcore outdoor enthusiast, this would be the ideal way to live. Yeah, not me. I like electric light and showers in my own bathroom. I nearly gave myself numerous strokes walking back and forth until one day, I simply refused to walk down into town…further isolating myself. But, I just couldn’t continue battering myself trying to get back up the mountain---it truly was too hard. For a naturally sedentary being, that relied on cars most of my life…this walking shit was just NOT for me. Yeah, a nice stroll along the lake was great…but hauling my fat ass up a 3km steep hill? OH HELL NO. So, I dealt with my ‘alone’ time in that godforsaken cabin, while everyone else was in town, living life. Thank god for the occasional rides back up from Mel’s family who were already down there…those were the days I was able to go down.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing physically wrong with me that would hinder my ability to do anything. And THIS time, it had nothing to do with being lazy. Just not my thing, you know? And SO not right.
In October, we finally moved off the mountain and into an apartment in town. I was, and still am, SO friggin happy! I think I sat in a tub for 7 days in a row, just to reacquaint myself to bathing in something other than a sink. Since I have the basics of normal life, namely electricity and running water, an internet connection and a house phone…life feels like it should be. Now, we still don’t have livingroom furniture. I am using some wooden thing as a desk. But WHO CARES?? I certainly don’t…I am grateful for what I have right now. The days of looking a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak, are long gone. I do not take a day for granted…and I try to savour each moment of the day that I am allowed to have. Sure there are little glitches here and there…but holy hell, when faced with the alternative, I can deal with glitches.
I am making money doing freelance writing and doing really well at it. Who knew writing for a living would knock at my door? (grin) From this writing, I have contracted with local organizations to do freelance grant and proposal writing (which is my forte, and what I did for years before moving here) so things seem to be looking up. I am looking south and west for job opportunities as well and as far as I am concerned the future, at last, seems promising. Yay!
2011 looks like it will be a year filled with more change, but on the positive side, no more of this negative shit. I’ve had enough of the negative. It’s time for some good stuff…and I will run myself into the ground to get it.
So, what are some of the things I’ve learned in the past year?
1. Not paying rent results in getting tossed out of your apartment. It’s true…I don’t recommend this to anyone.
2. Bears do not want to be your friend…ever. It is not advisable to lure them to your deck with the hopes of petting one. It’s just a recipe for trouble.
3. Steep hills are only good for sliding down, on a sled, in the winter. Chair lifts are even better, to get back up the hill.
4. Never take your life as you know it for granted. It can change quicker than you can imagine. Live each day as if it were your last. I know it's cliche, but it’s true.
5. Always live a truthful existence. Lies have an uncanny ability of jumping up and biting you right in the ass.
6. Anger will eat you alive. Getting past anger will be one of the hardest things you ever do. But once you achieve it, it clears the way for much positivity and opportunity to live your own life exactly the way you want it to be.
These, among other things, are the things that I keep on the front burner and look back at when life seems too hard. It brings me back down to reality.
I’d share with you my resolutions for 2011, but I try to stay away from things I know are almost impossible to promise. Instead, I will keep plugging along with the hopes of a brighter future, good friends, family, and a fresh outlook on the coming year.
I wish you all the success and happiness that is out there for the new year. Don’t get too drunk, don’t eat too much, and don’t complain alot…because that will just give me more to write about!
No comments:
Post a Comment