The Past, And How It Bites...

They say that the future is what you make of it; there is no cosmic direction to it.  I used to believe that there was this big huge book written that mysteriously contained the destiny of every person born into this cesspool of a world.  Somehow, my idea of that got jaded by the reality I am faced to live every day.  The big, brave me has figured out that if you want something to happen bad enough, you have to make it happen for yourself.  Throw caution to the wind, take a chance, go after what you want to have.  Relying on a fantastic book of fate to point you into the right direction is a fool's game; one that is played when you can't face your own being.

It sucks when you loose these fanciful ideas; the scapegoat for your inevitable direction has crashed and burned.  No more can you blame 'the stars and their placement in the sky' for the path you take.  Which is a stone bitch, because I'd like to lay blame on it---oh boy would I ever.  I am mad.  My choices, up to this point, have been just that...mine.  But oh, how I would like to rewind a few decades.  The screw-ups.  The pain.  The loss.  The 'what would have been'.  Erase them all, do it all over.  New slate.  Knowing what I know right at this moment.  This moment---a moment can be measured in many ways---but they are all fleeting, unless you grab onto it, hold it tight, and NEVER let go of it.

The days of squandering the moments that are presented to me are over.  The days of hinging everything on the moments I had no control over---those are over too.  I'll tell you why. (You knew I was gonna say it...stop groaning!)

I have a new found respect for the future that I am making for myself.  An old friend has been instrumental in this revelation.  This old friend---made me realize some things.  Life is short, grab onto the reigns and hold on tight---no regrets, no apologies.  Make your moment.  If you want it, work for it, hurt for it, make it happen.  If wishes were horses, then beggars could ride---ever see a homeless guy bareback on a horse?  Yeah, me either.  Wishing and hoping get you nowhere.  Grab the moment, and hold onto it.  Build your future using the wisdom you have accumulated from the past...that is the only good thing that comes from dwelling on the past---a learning tool.


Until the next time---eat all of your veggies and smile.  Smile a lot.