Greetings, faithful readers! Let me start by wishing you all a wonderful holiday season. I say holiday so I do not offend those who are offended by anything Christ-like. Yeah, I am totally PC these days---have to be. Dealing with the public makes the need to keep things on an even keel very important. I don't want to be pissing off the hand that feeds me...lol! With that said, I hope each of you have a prosperous and fulfilling 2013---and that you all get what you rightly deserve for the coming year.
This year has been a tumultuous one for me, filled with ups and downs and a whirlwind of activity. I have learned many things about myself and life in general during the past 12 months---many good things have come out of it and I am truly blessed for all that I have. It's funny how many a perspective can be gleaned out of a tragic event in one's life---even funnier that a person like me can gain balance and stability during a time of such self doubt and hurt. But, I am happy to say that I did, and I am a better person because of it. The guilt I have now has been systematically packed away and labeled 'insignificant for life' and stored in the appropriate closet---never to be opened again. It's not healthy to dwell on the should have's and the why didn't you's...you can't change the past and you can't look to the future if you are stuck on the things that can't be changed. Right or wrong---it works for me.
So what are the things that I've learned this year? Well---the learning curve started at the very beginning of the year---and what a lesson it was. I was so mad at myself for throwing away every last experience in my life to take on yet another example of trusting something that was too good to be true---and believing in it 100%. What was I thinking? Ugh. I beat the shit out of myself over that---until one day I just stopped abusing myself. It is what it is and was...can't change it---but I could learn from it. And learn I did. It has made me a very cynical person---I don't believe much of anything anymore---except myself. I have much faith in me and those close to me---but that's about it. I have come to the conclusion that I will die alone, with my 2 cats, in my fabulous apartment, surrounded by the life I have created for myself---and I am completely okay with that. It's not a bad thing---my capacity for hurt has reached it's limit. I do not plan on creating any opportunities for hurt to creep back into my life---and if that means being alone, then it's how it has to be. I wish no ill will on anyone who has had a part in this process---though, I have to say that every now and again I'll catch wind of one of them failing at something (the 2012 Massachusetts senatorial race comes to mind, as an example) and I giggle like a little girl. I am a firm believer that every dog has it's day---and while I am not a vengeful person, it's nice to 'see' from time to time.
The second thing I learned this year (well, not really learned---remembered is more fitting a word) is that I am talented! Yes indeed---and I haven't looked back ever since I remembered that I have something to offer. I've been really busy churning out the pages---my writing has become an intricate part of my life and I've been full steam ahead for most of the year. While I can't go into details right now---the fruits of my labor will be available very soon! I'm so excited---a lot of love has gone into this project. I can't be happier that I snapped out of my gray funk when I did. I have a lot to look forward to in the new year---and I've earned every single good thing that is coming out of it. Yay me!
Because I needed to have health insurance, I had to take on a 'real' job in March. I was very open to this, because I knew that it would be a way to get my life back in order, as well as providing me with the tools I needed in order to get healthy---mind, body, and spirit. I work as a subcontractor for a major telecommunications provider and while the job is demanding, I truly love it. I don't like all the politics that go along with the job, and trust me when I say that the company I work for has it's collective head up it's ass---I keep my mouth shut and do my job. I'm good at what I do. I am making a good salary plus really good commissions every month. I have health insurance that is actually half decent---whatever happened to HMO's? I was a big fan of the HMO back in the day...but what I have now isn't so bad. I have job security (which is more than I can say for most these days) with room for growth if I so choose.
It has also allowed me to live the way I want to live, with my own terms in play. I have a great place to live. I travel. I say how and what I will do---if and when I want to. It's weird---anyone that knows me knows that I never did 'alone' very well...I always had to be around someone or a group of someone's in order for me to be 'me'...but now, I am living alone, under my own steam. And I love every moment of it. Yeah, sometimes I get lonely---but when that happens, I just remind myself that I have consciously made that choice---and the loneliness dissipates in time. This is good for me---it has forced me to pull up my big girl panties and realize that the only person that is going to get things done for me is ME. My days of being dependent on others are O-V-E-R.
My sister has been a huge part of my life this year---if it wasn't for her, I would have been SO screwed at the beginning of the year. She let me stay with her, helped me get back onto my feet...and for that I will be eternally grateful to her. I will always be there for her---no matter what. She has epitomized for me what true family is. I am blessed.
My friends have been my saviors in so many ways this year as well. In their own ways, they have reminded me of how awesome and VERY cool I am. I think I lost some of that when I came back to the States back in 2011---and I thank my friends for giving that back to me. I was very...er, shall we say...blinded...when I came back. The blinders have been lifted. Thank fuck. I missed ME!! Thank you, my crazy/loyal/awesome slices of heaven---I look forward to any time we are together (both in person and/or online---you know who you are!).
So here I sit---it's Christmas Eve, and I have to work later on today. I have Christmas brunch to prepare for tomorrow morning. The gifts are wrapped, and the house is decorated (well, as decorated as it's going to get---I've done a bit of traveling over the last month or so---lol), and my anticipation for the holiday is higher than it's ever been before. I have much to be thankful for...and I know that the new year is going to be a great one. This year, while difficult to start, has been a very productive one. Many good things have come to me. Many realizations, many changes. I am happy. For once in my life---the choices that I have made I am happy with. WOOHOO!! Progress.
So this is my 'year in the life'---the Cliff Notes version. If you want to get the whole story---come on over (I'm off on Fridays and Sundays), I'll put on a pot of coffee and we'll chat. Oh yes...we'll chat. I have some funny stories for you. You'll laugh. I promise you will...lol I think it is so awesome that I can laugh about it all. Life is too short for bitterness and being ugly. I love my life as it is right now.
Until the next time---Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/etc, etc, etc...and a ver Happy New Year! Eat all your veggies and SMILE---your life is a gift!
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